Sometimes I worry about myself. I think it’s a mix of A.D.H.D & immaturity but regardless when it comes to things like studying I’m doomed. An example you ask? I read: The arrector pili is a tiny, involuntary muscle in the base of the hair follicle. I instantly think of Stephen Hawking. Why? Well, for some reason I assume Mr. Hawking has a tiny penis, why I think of penis may be because of the “tiny, involuntary muscle” (he has no control over that thing…paralyzed.) or perhaps it’s because the word has “arrect” making me think of “erect” making me think of “erection”. Then, you’ve got “base of the hair follicle”, I instantly assume they mean pubes. Now, I don’t know what worries me more, the fact that I cannot focus and not think immaturely about something or the fact that when I learn about a strand of hair I instantly think of a penis. This is going to be at least a 2-3 session’er at the docs this week.
Lastnight a friend of mine tried to pitch a movie idea to me and said I should get it made. He gave me a loose plot and ended it with “then at the end there is a big sex scene and they fuck each other”. I asked “so it’s now a porno?” and his reply was “It’s not a porno if they love each other.” HAHAHA. I’m going to use that for the porno love story..I am currently writing. This is the perfect response for when my folks inevitably find out what I’m working on…”Don’t worry mum, it’s not a porno if they love each other.”
Isn’t it weird that it’s someones job out there to prepare a post celebrity death video for someone while they are living just in case this happen to get hit by a bus tomorrow afternoon or more likely O.D on crazy pills/crack? Imagine if we all had our own post celebrity death video? I think I’d lie in mine, it would be like “everyone knows of the lovable, handsome, super intelligent, friendly, courageous, heroic, powerful side of him…but I bet you didn’t know at age 5 he found himself on a bus that had to maintain a certain speed otherwise it would blow up, killing everyone on it and he managed to drive it to safety. When he was in his teens he briefly managed Michael Jackson and got him a spot singing a song for the highly successful movie Free Willy but gave it up to pursue an IT program where he solved the worlds computer issue with the millennium bug saving the planet from an electronical meltdown. After years of charity work under a false name he helped celebrities like filming the Hoff drunk that night eating a cheese burger to help him realize his drinking problem leading him onto a path of recovery. At the time of his death he was the closest anyone has been to curing aids & cancer and scientists predict he would have solved it within a fort nights period had he lived on”.
What would yours have?
*note: Please remember if you use anything like Google Reader to RSS feed us/add us to your list so you can see instant updates!
It’s really funny seeing how some people randomly discover this blog. I’m proud to admit that a good chunk of you get here because you google the following, and I kid you not, these are top drawers of the random folk:
Penis In Vagina
Penis And Vagina
Porn for Small Girls (note: not Porn OF small girls, porn FOR small girls..i was going to try googling it myself to see what shows up besides us but I’m terrified of what the results may actually be)
Blowing Up Cows With Bazookas
How splendid! So I decided to give the people what they want, SEX, in a post, so here, to please the masses:
“Porn of penis in a vagina where the vagina looks similar to a cow after its blown up with a bazooka for small girls with gingervitis”
This kills two birds with one stone because I always laugh at what kind of ads show up based on what I post and I think everyone will be happier if it has something to do with sex. Let’s test and see what shows up.
ps: Gingers have souls
I want to pat Gary Starkweather (what a last name) and Xerox on the back. Back in the 70′s they revolutionized the printer world by creating the laser printer. HP stepped it up and did something even cooler…they made the worlds first mass produced printer for people called the HP “Laser Jet” printer. Can you think of anything more boring turned bad ass sounding then that? A LASER JET PRINTER! “Oh your printer can do a page in 5 minutes? Yeah well mine has laser’s and jet’s put into it, I just haven’t been able to find how to use it yet but oh man, when I do…WATCH OUT!”.
If I was Xerox I would have stepped it up one further with “Laser Jet Missile Dagger Tank Robo-Printer”. That shit would have sold out instantly and crumbled any competitors with its Laser blasting Jet flying Missile launching Dagger stabbing Tank tough Robotic ways!
Can you come up with other things out there that sound way more bad ass then they actually are?
You know how girls do that weird thing where their vagina bleeds, well now Mac’s joining in with the likes of Tampax and the such to create the iPad. Wait? What? Oh, sorry, I’m being told by my associates I’m horribly mistaken. Well, unless they do some changes it seems that a lot of people are disappointed and that’s all these things may be used for in the end, cramming up a vajayjay.
It’s been mere minutes but already the internet is flooded with updates on the new “magical” iPad, in fact, twitter is experiencing problems due to the high yammering going on! I’m not sold. Basically this thing, like many are saying, is a gigantic iPhone. Although I find some features are cool, it still has a long ways to go.
If it’s running a similar if not identical operating system to the iPhone that means streaming videos is going to suck and be picky. Flash often doesn’t play and I can only hope they have it set up to view regular versions of pages instead of receive the “mobile adapted ones” which means the majority of people lose out on the good free porn websites.
I’m really shocked it doesn’t seem to have a camera! Now how are our future daughters supposed to show their tits to men twice their age on Stickam?!? I thought the whole reason we were developing this thinner & smaller technology was so that we could hide it and capture unspeakable things?
Those are the most important…other things like crappy multi-tasking’less options (having to close one app to get to another is lame Mac) as well as other things I’d like to see like developing a small control to blue tooth to the system for better gaming because lets be honest, the controls aren’t superb on iPhones and if they made it better could really jump into this gaming market.
Steve Jobs, you are a smart man..but you really need to give the people what they want…hover boards.
***THANKS TO JAMES FOR HIS COMMENT, Mac should have researched this a bit better, but makes my post even better haha***
There’s nothing anyone loves more then sharing with each other the latest degrading sexual act that 99.9% of the population has never tried. Families, youth groups & the like often sit around with some warm cocoa, biscuits (or bis-quee for our French readers) and say “My favorite is the one legged pirate; for this you are having sex with a girl, kick her in the shin so she starts hopping, cum in her eye and then when she covers it up with her hand, ta da, one legged pirate”. There’s a tremendous amount of these and I encourage you to contribute your favorites or ones you have created.
Over the holidays I came up of one of my own, it goes a little something like this:
The Ultra Sound.
You start by having sex with the girl, when you begin to orgasm you start to cum inside her but you pull out half way through and finish cumming on her stomach. Then you make a fist, place that fist in the semen on her skin and rub it all around her belly. Awww, that semen made a beautiful little boy! Gonna be a socca playa! YAY! The Ultra Sound!
If you force sex upon a prostitute, is it rape…
So due to the fact that I’ve become tremendously immersed in hockey again I thought I would do a MyWorldPopulationMe sports edition. A couple of days ago in Russia two teams in the under 10 years old league were having a game when suddenly a massive team brawl broke out between the two! Yes! A BRAWL…in -10 hockey. The Russians are generally quite tough & can be scary (remember that whole U.S.S.R incident), but they are not known to be the most intimidating in hockey…but I guess they are working on changing that. Check out these little scoundrels going at it in the video below.
If I had a peewee hockey team I would secretly hire a midget & make sure he shaved his beard clean then throw hockey equipment on him. It would blend right in, then make him the enforcer & he would pave down hundreds of small children leading my team to ultimate victory. I think his only role would be an enforcer as adults generally do not have the piss & vinegar that youth contain so scoring may not be his forte, but we’ve all got a role to play.
I’m trying to look up comparisons on the average midget/dwarf to see where they stand for energy, power, strength, etc compared to your average child and adult but no luck. If I can suss it out soon I’ll share it with you all. Oh ya, here’s that video:
There’s an Electric Magnolia Co. song that has the lyric “I’ve been as lonesome as the world’s first ghost” which came up in a discussion my roommate Ash and I had today. We discussed what it would be like to be the world’s first ghost and Ash had this theory:
She would find a best friend and haunt the shit out of them. She would disguise herself so they never knew it was actually her and would fuck with their minds so hard that they would commit suicide. Then, she solves her solution by no longer being the world’s first ghost, all alone, because now she’s got a friend. Hopefully they would be so stoked to see her that they would either FORGET she’s the reason they are a ghost or be comforted to know they will no longer be haunted.
Ash, I wish you all the best.
What would you do if you were the world’s first ghost? Would you Clay Aiken it up and “Just watch you in your room”?…(Wait…I Already Am)